About

female-angel-silhouette-fantasy-heaven_21-36615236

Who am I?

 

I am a middle aged mother of two lively boys who loves to write and with this I discovered blogging.  I am a daydreamer, passionate, insecure, kind, a doer, a listener, a lover of life & relish in being totally juvenile at times, giving my children a good run for their money.  I never get bored of my own company, I never get bored period and I love silence, the sound of rain, the smell of grass and horse manure!

 

As well as the above though, I have been a sufferer of chronic pain for two to three years, my condition undiagnosed.  This isn’t my only blog, but this is, my new blog.

 

The reason I write generally is as a form of escapism, going in to the inner depths of my mind where so many ideas, thoughts, moments of creativity bombard my senses, I try to streamline them, get them out in to some semblance of sanity in to the written word.  Of course usually I have the hope that it might interest someone, one day, help someone, cause a smile or create an emotion in some way, because emotions are good, it proves we are alive!

 

The reason for writing on this blog however is different (yes I have more than one).  I hesitated about creating this space, nervous of how it would make me feel, and I’ve still yet to find out.  But it is my personal journey, thoughts, accounts of the way I am feeling, fears, goals, insane ramblings, no doubt there will be dark moments and high moments.

 

I was inspired to face my demons by having come across other brave and generous bloggers who have shared their similar journeys.  Seeing how they progress, work through it, all at different points of their journey, it’s helped me and must have others to be able to get a glimpse in to their experiences, for myself it has been uplifting, hopeful and enlightening.

 

I hope to shed off some layers that have built up over recent years through the trials and tribulations that having this condition has caused me.  Hopefully this will set me free in some way, perhaps it might help someone else.

 

A friend said to me not so long ago “you aren’t the same person as you used to be.   The woman who was fun loving, care free and funny has gone.  I don’t mean to say that you aren’t still lovely, but you’re not the same”

 

I went home and cried, because I felt awful.  It didn’t help that I had just spent lunch with my friend and two others and it made me very insecure of how I am viewed, because I don’t see myself as anything other than the same as I was before, I just feel like a caged bird, waiting to be set free.

 

You see, I have chronic pain, I am not, chronic pain.  It hinders, sometimes suffocates me at time, but deep down, it is still me here, loud and jolly inside, loud and jolly outside, I am just surrounded by this cage, the bars sometimes get wider on a good day, sometimes the door is opened and slammed shut again, teasing me but I am pretty positive that one day, not too long away, my wings will be allowed to spread and I might fly away from this captivity of pain.

 

 

Meanwhile, I shall take the first steps of this literary journey…..

 

36 thoughts on “About”

  1. Reading your story makes me feel grateful for my passably good health. I wish you all the best in your journey!

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  2. prayingforoneday said:

    Please accept the “Lighthouse” Award
    Bringing Light to the Dark
    http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2014/02/06/lighthouse-award/

    Thank you
    Shaun

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  3. I look forward to read more. I write about removing the stigma on various “invisible” suffering…mental health and chronic pain seem to go hand in hand …people ignoring the pain…if you can’t see it, they think we can’t feel it. With much empathy and hugs, Cheryl-Lynn

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    • Thank you for your words. I think most of it is not understanding and living in a fast moving society, people don’t have time for themselves often, let alone the time to stop and think about what or how someone else is suffering, especially if it is not blatantly in their face. Not approving or saying this is good, i just think it is how it is unfortunately. One thing chronic pain has taught me is to slow down, I’ve had no choice, I am a boom or bust person normally and have learn’t the hard way, I boom then my pain says “you are truly bust”. Now I take my time, I adore going outside, you take a new view on life, I was in a shop that I had managed to take the bus to, that was a major achievement my end and I was almost jumping with joy, I said to the sales assistant “I am out, I managed to get out” she looked at me a bit worried to begin with then when I explained she smiled, but no one can really understand truly unless having experienced it and even then we are all different. Thank you for trying to change things, every little helps. There is a woman who is writing a book to be circulated throughout schools on invisible illness’s, if I can find the link I will pass it on to you, you might like the concept 🙂 x

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      • Thanks so much for sharing this with me! and for follow my blogs. After more than 20 years living with chronic pain, I finally started seeing the purpose/advantage of doing things a bit slower. I used to be a speed walker and still try now and then but I’m better to slow it down a few paces and the things I am able to notice. I may write a poem or story about that…walking slower allows me to see things I would not have noticed. Sort of like a baby who is crawling. Blessings, my dear and take things one step at a time, rest, observe, breath and take in the world around you.

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  4. We are so alike! I am a daydreamer, passionate, insecure…everything like you, up to the smells. I prefer to smell the fresh wind after a storm, and cooking food. I, too, have an invisible disability. I, too, have seen myself as a caged bird who had to create a door and open it to fly free. My age is “middle-aged” but *I’m* not middle-aged, if you can figure out what I mean by that.

    How daring, to expose yourself through this blog! I admire your courage to begin it here. May it be thoroughly therapeutic for you and all who touch it.

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    • Yes I was nervous about doing this blog to begin with, but I saw others being brave enough. I wasn’t sure how it would make me feel. I have two other blogs, but they aren’t about such ’emotional’ subjects, actually one is as I talk about my children alot. Heh. Re the caged bird, yes on my bleh/urgh days i feel like that,but I guess what i’ve been doing is waiting for someone to open the door for me, whereas you work out how to make a door and open it…..there you go, some psychology there on the two differences, a big difference I think, your’s is far more proactive and being a do’er. I do think though I am ‘trying’ as they say 😉

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  5. I’m in. Hits follow button

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  6. Justine- My heart hurts for you that you have to deal with chronic pain. I loved what you said in your last paragraph. I am really glad I found this other blog of yours. I dealt with chronic, daily pain for about 6 years (for varying reasons), and still deal with some, though not as often. My hubby also deals with chronic pain, as well as my dad. It is something I am very passionate about and have written a lot in the past on how to interact with people who have chronic pain/illness. Though people mean well, things they say and do can sometimes be so hurtful. Will definitely be following your blog!

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    • Thank you lori, that means a lot. It is amazing the amount of people who seem to suffer. I am so glad it is better for you. I found it hard today as I went through the park and people were out jogging and on their bikes and I just yearned to be able to do this, I want to take some pictures of the deer but its too far to walk from where the car is allowed to park, I have set it as my goal to get there one day and take a snap at them, hehe xx So glad to meet you xx

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      • I know Justine, so many people. What you mentioned about the park…yes, that’s so hard. I know my hubby feels that way when he sees people playing sports, since he can’t do that anymore. I really appreciate your blog, and your realness, and look forward to keeping up with it!

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      • I made a page on my wish list, kind of inspired by your words and others and I managed to semi achieve one, I went back down to that park took a deep breath and managed the walk slowly down to the deer and took some pictures 🙂 I didn’t get the big stags but i at least got down there and took some pics be they fuzzy (time for a new camera me thinks hehe), I will post some pics when sorted, but at least I can semi cross off one wish list achievement and it felt great 🙂

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      • That’s wonderful Justine! So glad you were able to do that!

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      • 🙂

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  7. You are very inspiring and I just nominated you for a Sunshine blogger award!

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    • gosh thank you, that is so kind of you. I see you know foggy and the pain gang, I need to update myself and see if they met their target to go ahead. it is nice to meet another person suffering from this invisible illness, not nice, maybe wrong word, comforting in some way to be able to share stories and lean on each other at times xx Thank you so much for the award x

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  8. So sorry you endure this. My sister had the same and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Has this been suggested? I too suffer from daily pain, stemming from a concussion. I began writing-initially, as a distraction.

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    • I have thought about fibro since blogging as I didn’t even know about it before, it is something that I maybe need to talk to the pain consultant about next time I see him in a few weeks. Where is your pain? Thanks for commenting and popping by, hope to see you again x

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      • Definitely something you should look into. My sister is doing a bit better now that she is on meds and going through physical therapy (in a swimming pool). I suffer from migraines, stemming from a concussion. That plus lots of other symptoms along with it.

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      • Yes, I saw someone post a post on a possible cure for fibro from a man in Toronto, sucks that it is not in the UK, but very interesting. I will see if I can re-blog it on my blog, I have a couple of blogs so sometimes I get confused which one i read it on and with meds it doesnt take much to get me confused LOL…my brain is still waking up now. What a lovely blog you have, I loved your header pic, soooo sweet x

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      • I am really into natural remedies. There are so many herbs that cleanse, heal etc. if you fancy a chance, and can swim, you should give it a try. The water helps takes the pressure off the muscles. Or even if a workout class it offered in the water. You will be sore, in time, the pain lessens.

        Thank you for taking a gander around my blog.

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      • I’d love to swim its finding a quiet warm pool though hehe. I am going to go on a diet soon for pain relief just need to organise it properly and get my head around it xx

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      • Warm pools probably don’t exist. But I truly hope your pain becomes more manageable and eventually non existent

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      • Thank you me too )

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  9. Justine- I wanted to let you know that I nominated your blog, “It’s a Lonely Place” for the Liebster Award! I am so glad I came across your blog and want more people to know about it! Here is the link to follow if you want to accept this award and participate:
    http://creatingbeautyinthekitchen.wordpress.com/2014/04/02/liebster-take-2/

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  10. Hello, fellow blogger! A peaceful day to you!
    Congrats! You are nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award.
    You can check http://wp.me/p32YrK-1Km for more details.
    Blessings,
    belsbror

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  11. I see through your words, your heart, and within I see a reflection of my spirit, and within yours and mine, i see the reflection of Gods loving spirit. We are not our chronic illnesses, We do not live with them, they live with us. And we strive each day to share, to lift, to inspire, to touch another so that they may know that nothing is impossible with faith. Your life, mirrors mine, and yet here I am also, now with my third blog site, still churning away, finding ways to place a smiles inspiration in another’s life, while receiving nourishing smiles in return. I just met you and I am proud of your determination, not to let anything hold you back or get you down for long. I write my poetry because it has an healing effect on those who read it and also for myself when I write it. I will follow you my sister in this similar walk we and many others share in this life. You are an true inspiration. Have a wonderful weekend!

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  12. I have nominated you for the Versatile bloggers award! http://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com/
    You don’t have to accept but should you choose to this is what you need to do.
    -Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.
    Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it.
    – Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. ( I would
    add, pick blogs or bloggers that are excellent!)
    – Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award
    – Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

    Good Luck! God bless!

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